i just read "Little Earthquakes" by Jennifer Weiner, and by just i mean in the last 24 hours. my friend jennifer lent me one of her books, and i think her style is so fun - endearing and brutally honest, and funny and you truly feel like you know the characters. anyway, it was a great read, and reminded me that so often in motherhood, we share the great moments, the cute moments, the touching ones, but when we have the totally crappy, hard times, we sometimes just sit at home, not wanting to complain or admit our own down days. i am blessed to have several friends with whom i share everything, and i mean everything. i rarely feel like i can't call them and tell them (sometimes crying) when i'm having a fight with ben, or exhausted, or my kids are just driving me crazy. i have not had anything horrible happen, but i was just thinking about how i want to share both the good and bad on here.
like for the past few days, i have been fighting off this bad cold, which started out mild, and then filled my body with snot and congestion and blech. then yesterday i had one of those mom days where i thought, "i'm sorry, am i alone here, am i talking to myself?" about five million times. nolan was hyper and cooped up in the house from the rain, and excited that some friends were coming over, so he ignored my repeated, and i mean repeated requests to please help me clean up the house. i was chugging along, giving my ohsodirty floors a much needed cleaning. you moms out there know how ridiculously hard it can be to tackle this task. sometimes i feel like i am fighting an uphill, personal battle with the dang floors, and i have a tiny place! anyway, i was happy i had enough energy left in my coldy body to be mopping, and had barricaded the boys in nolan's room. finn had repeatedly tried to come see me, sliding around on the wet floors, or better yet, getting into chloe's food and water (this is now one of his missions in life). i don't know how many times i had asked nolan in increasingly firm, not sweet tones to please clean up his room, when the threats starting coming. i told him i would start throwing away his toys if he didn't obey. okay, so this probably sounds really harsh if you have never used it before, and i remember the first time ben tried it out, i was not a fan. then i realized that it was gold, pure scare tactics are the only thing that works with my extremely stubborn son sometimes, and he has the most selective hearing! so i have to say, one cheap teddy bear in the trash, one extremely long day of parenting, and one arrival of my period (fun), i was ready for sleep. i have to give my amazing husband a shout out, because when i have days like this he truly steps it up, taking the boys out of the house when he gets home, picking up food if i need it, and just generally being such an appreciated help. thank you ben, my love.
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Heather, I so used the throw away technique yesterday. Avery always acts up when I try to clean. Ryan says it is because I am pretty unapproachable and compulsive when I am doing it. He's right, but it still needs to be done. I yelled several times for Avery to pick up her instruments, and when she didn't do it, I wigged out. There are now a whole basket of toys going to the city mission. I dread cleaning because I almost always end up yelling. I hate yelling. I can hear myself while I do it and it sounds so ridiculous, but it just keeps coming out. Then I feel so guilty. I hate that cycle. Looks like I have some work to do. Thanks for being honest.
girl, you can always share your heart with me! you know that! i have had the same kind of days...ok, for about a week! i love you and hope you start feeling better!
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