long week

this week has been a long and frustrating. i am honestly surprised that it's only wednesday! you know those days where a mom meltdown is unavoidable? yeah, i've had a couple of those this week. i told ben yesterday that after having one of those mornings, a lady made me laugh sardonically, because she listened to nolan and said, "oh. that was my favorite age with my boys." i said, "yeah, it's actually been my most challenging", and she gave me this condescending smile, like something was wrong with me! i'm not saying there aren't great things about 3-4 year-olds, but it has been hard! he seems to just keep pushing me. sometimes it seems like my voice is inaudible! yesterday he told me that i never play with him. me, who stays home every day, making all of his meals, playing, taking him to school and playdates, and outings, and restaurants. ben told me to ignore it, and that he says things like that to him all the time, but come on! when you invest so much time into your kids (and when you are extremely hormonal), it's hard to hear things like that. i have to take some major deep breaths and think of the good times, and the sweet things he says, or i will lose my mind! thankfully, i have a husband who is quick to help. when he comes home, and i've had days like these, he takes them out of the house, which i really need and appreciate. after telling a child to pick up his toys 15 bazillion times, you just need some silence. my focus now is to get to nolan's thanksgiving program on friday, which i am excited about. he has a speaking part, and gets to play the drum as an indian. anyone else annoyed that schools still say "indian" for native american? hello.

anyway, i will get to that, and then have a week of ben home. yay!

2 weeks

today is exactly two weeks until i find out if we're having a boy or girl. the suspense is killing me! i was telling ben this weekend about how i couldn't wait, and he said, "yeah, that's the difference between us. i am perfectly fine leaving my presents under the tree until christmas. you can't wait!" that is totally true :) when i was 7 i actually remember covertly unwrapping this giant present that had been looming under the tree. it was this mystery giant, and i could not wait. i only unwrapped a small portion, enough to see what the box said, and then taped it back without my parents knowing. it's funny, i think that in general, i am a very patient person, but not with presents, or secrets, or results. i also think it's easier for men to wait on baby results because they aren't the ones who are carrying the baby! if you'd had a new person growing inside your body for 16 weeks, you would be pretty curious who they were!

obviously the other factor this time is that i have two boys, and am hoping for the possibility of a girl. i truly do trust that God knows who will best add to our family, but the past few months have been thinking about all the things i saved for "my future daughter". i think about all the things that you can only do with daughters, and i dream about being able to do those. we will see...