the bebe has fingernails :)

so, like many pregnant women, i receive the babycenter.com weekly development emails. i have for each pregnancy, and i love them. especially in the early months, when you aren't feeling much but some cramping and gas, it's nice to get a glimpse into the womb. ha. the word womb still makes me laugh:) anyway, they tell you what is developing in your baby's body, and give you a visual (food) image of how big they are getting. that's my favorite part. when i found out i was pregnant, the baby was a sesame seed, and now at 10 weeks, it's a kumquat! amazing. nolan now loves to look at these with me. i show him the little drawn illustration of what the baby looks like, and then the food pic. today the write up said that our baby had no more webbing between it's toes and fingers, and that it had fingernails. to this, nolan said in a very serious voice, "mom, maybe that's why you're in pain sometimes. the baby is scratching you!" this kid really cracks me up.

My knitting blog

hey guys! just a random note to let you know that i now have a blog for my fledgling knitting business. would love for y'all to check it out, even though it has just begun, and is a work in progress. it is

http://theblueyedgirl.blogspot.com/

the airport, a milkshake, and a good day

today was a good day. it wasn't a ground-breaking, thrilling, seemingly perfect day, but it had some sweet moments to cherish. it started by finn and i dropping off nolan at school, and then we took my mom to the airport.

she decided to go to ireland/scotland on a whim, when one of her friends told her about her upcoming trip. i was proud of her because my mom doesn't travel much, and always agonizes over big splurges, even since inheriting money from her parents' estate. i thinks she will have a blast, and look forward to the pics. so at the airport, there was a lot of schlepping, and i really mean that. our airport has been in a rather ridiculous state of construction or "beautification" for several years now, which will be great in the future, but is rather ugly and awkward at the mo. anyway, that said, i always fly out of terminal 1, and kind of forgot that terminal 2 is now hard to reach from terminal 1. so the schlepping ensued. i have to say though, i am not recounting this to complain, but to say that i was proud of myself. sometimes in hectic or cumbersome situations i find the power of motherhood. know what i mean? i mean, especially when you have more than one child, things can get kinda crazy, especially when you find yourself in a high-traffic, security-filled situation with lots of factors. a) i feel protective of my mom, since i have been like her spouse since i was about 8, b) she hasn't traveled very much post 9/11, c) the time is 12:20 and neither boys have eaten lunch, hence whining and begging begin, and d)nolan has decided that my mom going on vaca is the end of the world :) a lot of factors! like i said, though, i found power in this. i am proud of myself when i can focus, stay calm, and manage to manage everything going on, including my two little wildebeasts. we survived, we got my mom checked in, with 2 hours to spare, snacks, major emotional meltdown averted, and managed to make up a silly song on the way to the car. go me, and go God for giving me the skills to pull it off.

we then headed to one of my favorite little places in our area, called cheesy jane's. it's a burger place (ironically our family doesn't eat beef anymore) in super cute, old school style, with awesome fries and milkshakes, and a really cool train track that runs on a suspended track from the ceiling. the boys love it. my mom had treated us to some lunch $, which is awesome, so i told nolan, "let's go to cheesy jane's, and we can even get a milkshake". my turkey burger and fries were delicious, and more than that, nolan and i had some quality date time. finn was technically there too, but the poor dude had passed out on in the car, so he was out until the last few minutes. my dad, while he was still around, established a great tradition of taking me on dates. i loved it! i felt so special and grown up and fancy. so nolan and i do the same when we can. we'll go to a movie, or just have a meal or snack.

today was a day where i can honestly say that i treasured my kids - their beauty and humor, and took mental snap-shots of where they are at this very moment. it's hard to do that as a mom everyday. in fact, i might venture to say that's nearly impossible to do it every day, but today was sweet. a chocolate milkshake never hurts things either :)

thunder

it's amazing how a thunderstorm sounds after months and months of drought. i'm assuming that in places like seattle, you don't even notice rain anymore, or are, perhaps, sick of it. i am the opposite. we have had so many days of 100 plus degree weather, and no rain, that to me, thunder is about one of the sweetest things i can hear now. lovely, lovely rain. i also love how my house is darker and cosy. i am welcoming the darkness, and even a slight drop in temperature.

it's good to be back on here writing again. i think i said it in my first post after ben went back, but i really forgot about needing this outlet when he was home with me all the time. the need to hear or see myself think. the need to connect with other adults. being a mom can be isolating at times. it's funny, because i actually have lots of mom friends, and seem to have more and more interaction with them as my kids get older, but as our schedules tighten and activities multiply, it can also feel like you're on your own particular little island during the day. i'm not feeling depressed, just commenting.

my little man, finn, is rapidly changing. he is 18 months now, and forging through a major period of development. it's a little alarming. in the past month, he has gotten 9 or 10 new teeth, has increased his traveling speed (running around the house a lot), and is feeling his struggle for independence. 18 months is also the time when a kid's vocabulary is vastly multiply. it's interesting to see all of that play out. he is starting sentences. he's saying no all the time just because he can. he is fighting to have his own way, yet retreating to my arms in exhaustion of all the change. isn't it amazing to see how they change. i understand it a lot more this time around. i remember reading that at 18 months, a child actually begins to realize that they are not part of your body. crazy!

well, we are off to pick up nolan at school. all for now.

morning sickness

So, I am pregnant. For the third time. That sounds kind of crazy, but then i remember all the huge families that i know and the huge families throughout time, and i guess it doesn't sound freakish :) In a lot of ways, this pregnancy is not the "big deal" that the other two, especially the first were. that sounds bad. i don't mean big deal in the exciting, miraculous sort of way, but big deal in the "whoa, i have never done this before. what's going to happen" way. my body feels like it knows what to do, and for the most part, what will happen. each pregnancy is different for sure, but when you i feel a certain kind of pain, i'm like, okay, i know what that is. it's comforting to have gone through it before (twice). i am extremely happy and excited about this new baby. i am excited for a whole new person coming to join our family, a new genetic combination, a whole new set of snuggles and smiles and all the amazing firsts that come with a new baby. of course, i am also really excited about the possibility of having a girl. i know that is probably a long shot, already having two boys, but it would be so fun to have a little girl to share that really girly side of myself. i also have to admit that having a new baby is scary. it's scary at the times when my boys are being super loud and obnoxious, when i can barely handle the two of them. i wonder if i can balance it all. if i can take someone to kindergarten and potty train another, and breast feed and sleep train another.... that's a lot! it helps that i have wonderful friends like jen and kristen, who are examples of great moms with three kids. that's comforts me. i know that God's timing is always the best, and that getting pregnant is really a miracle. i am grateful for another opportunity, and i know that God is stretching and growing me through this time, and the many years of motherhood. i just want to put those fears out there too.

we just started a MOPS group at church - a time for moms of pre-schoolers to come together once a month for fellowship and time to be women. when we were planning, one goal i had for us as a group was transparency. i feel like that is something we often aren't as moms - transparent about our fears, our shortcomings, our frustrations. this is a really hard job, and of course i am going to share my joys and proud moments, but it's also so necessary to share the other side.

for the past few days i have been feeling so nauseous! i am so fortunate to not be someone who barfs for months. i never have, but i have the most intense nausea right now - like the room is spinning, and i can't move :( ugh. this is especially hard when i have two boys running around being crazy. ugh. i think when the weather changes, that will majorly help things, but for now, i'm feeling a little stir-crazy and sick.

our first day back

today was my first day back to my normal (or previously normal) routine with my boys - just the three of us. i know that i am so so blessed to have a husband who is a teacher. teaching may not be rewarded with the biggest salary monetarily, but you can't beat the time off! i have had ben home, being a co-parent throughout the day since the beginning of july, and it has been great. not that we haven't had parenting struggles, but obviously it's completely different to go about your day with another adult there, helping out with the kids, and talking to you. i think i have taken the adult conversation for granted.

today was great in many ways. even though i had to get up early, finn came in and snuggled with me in bed for the last thirty minutes until we got up. i made pancakes and had a good breakfast with them. we had some chill time watching a bearenstein bears dvd from the library, and even a little outdoors time before the sun was baking us. then things got bad. sometimes i feel like i am truly going to lose it with nolan. it's so weird as a mom to feel so much love for someone, but then such intense frustration! ugh. he's just at that age. i really think that's a big part of it, and being a boy. i have never lived with an almost four year old boy, and it just seems like they have no gauge for annoyance/noise/rudeness. and then there is the seemingly-never ending whining! i don't mean to sound ungrateful, but these faults seem so much more compounded now that ben is gone, and when i tried to vent, ben was grumpy with me, thinking i was just complaining. i have a few theories on why nolan may seem harder/more annoying now: 1) i have less of a temper, and when ben is home, he steps into disciplinarian mode, while i am more calm. when he's gone, i am disciplining more and 2) there is no other adult to commiserate with when i am alone and nolan acts like a brat! sometimes nolan will literally communicate solely in whine for a long time, so i will show him how he sounds. this usually causes him to examine his behavior and change for like 5 minutes. today we had a talk about how "actions speak louder than words" because nolan always acts like he is so so sorry, but doesn't back that up with his behavior following up.

i am in new territory in my parenting now. how do you deal with this little ball of energy when it is 100 degrees outside? play dates always help, and i know that in two short weeks, school will start back up for nolan, and that should help a lot, but it was one tough day. i think he did like 4 time outs.

the beginning of summer

i was sad to notice today that it's been over a month since i've last written. i guess may really crept up on me, sped by, and now i find myself already in june. don't get me wrong, i am super excited for the arrival of june, because it means the much-anticipated arrival of summer. i love summer for many reasons, firstly because school is out. i am not a student any more, no, but i am so happy to have ben coming home for most of the summer. i know that living on a teacher's salary can be stressful at times, but for me, all the extra quality time with him is worth it. i need quality time. it's my number one love language, and i love spending time with my family, all together.

ok, so confession. i now do understand why parents sometimes dread summer vacation. i know, that sounds horrible. i told ben i think i used to judge mom's for saying that. it's not that i don't want nolan to be home for summer, but his pre-school being over made me realize how much i truly appreciate that twice a week, three hour break. don't get me wrong, he is a great kid, but never did i need a break more than when he hit three. he wears me out! i am excited to do all of the cherished summer things with nolan - swimming, movies, baseball, ice cream, barbeque, the 4th of july. i love summer!

on a quality time note, ben and i were able to spend the day together on our anniversary this saturday, and that was wonderful. we so rarely have a day alone any more, that we found ourselves being so thrilled by an hour at starbucks (sans kids whining for chocolate milk or a baked good), or an hour at a book store (looking for as long or as little as we liked at any section or title). mostly, we loved having two meals and conversation together. it reminds us of our pre-kids dating days, and really, talking and eating is pretty much our favorite thing to do together :) it's not that i have given up these activities. i refuse to be one of those moms who just stops doing anything not child related, but the way i do them is different. i am so blessed to have had five years with ben. he really is my best friend, my favorite person, and the person that i am still excited to see every day.