long week

this week has been a long and frustrating. i am honestly surprised that it's only wednesday! you know those days where a mom meltdown is unavoidable? yeah, i've had a couple of those this week. i told ben yesterday that after having one of those mornings, a lady made me laugh sardonically, because she listened to nolan and said, "oh. that was my favorite age with my boys." i said, "yeah, it's actually been my most challenging", and she gave me this condescending smile, like something was wrong with me! i'm not saying there aren't great things about 3-4 year-olds, but it has been hard! he seems to just keep pushing me. sometimes it seems like my voice is inaudible! yesterday he told me that i never play with him. me, who stays home every day, making all of his meals, playing, taking him to school and playdates, and outings, and restaurants. ben told me to ignore it, and that he says things like that to him all the time, but come on! when you invest so much time into your kids (and when you are extremely hormonal), it's hard to hear things like that. i have to take some major deep breaths and think of the good times, and the sweet things he says, or i will lose my mind! thankfully, i have a husband who is quick to help. when he comes home, and i've had days like these, he takes them out of the house, which i really need and appreciate. after telling a child to pick up his toys 15 bazillion times, you just need some silence. my focus now is to get to nolan's thanksgiving program on friday, which i am excited about. he has a speaking part, and gets to play the drum as an indian. anyone else annoyed that schools still say "indian" for native american? hello.

anyway, i will get to that, and then have a week of ben home. yay!

2 weeks

today is exactly two weeks until i find out if we're having a boy or girl. the suspense is killing me! i was telling ben this weekend about how i couldn't wait, and he said, "yeah, that's the difference between us. i am perfectly fine leaving my presents under the tree until christmas. you can't wait!" that is totally true :) when i was 7 i actually remember covertly unwrapping this giant present that had been looming under the tree. it was this mystery giant, and i could not wait. i only unwrapped a small portion, enough to see what the box said, and then taped it back without my parents knowing. it's funny, i think that in general, i am a very patient person, but not with presents, or secrets, or results. i also think it's easier for men to wait on baby results because they aren't the ones who are carrying the baby! if you'd had a new person growing inside your body for 16 weeks, you would be pretty curious who they were!

obviously the other factor this time is that i have two boys, and am hoping for the possibility of a girl. i truly do trust that God knows who will best add to our family, but the past few months have been thinking about all the things i saved for "my future daughter". i think about all the things that you can only do with daughters, and i dream about being able to do those. we will see...

the bebe has fingernails :)

so, like many pregnant women, i receive the babycenter.com weekly development emails. i have for each pregnancy, and i love them. especially in the early months, when you aren't feeling much but some cramping and gas, it's nice to get a glimpse into the womb. ha. the word womb still makes me laugh:) anyway, they tell you what is developing in your baby's body, and give you a visual (food) image of how big they are getting. that's my favorite part. when i found out i was pregnant, the baby was a sesame seed, and now at 10 weeks, it's a kumquat! amazing. nolan now loves to look at these with me. i show him the little drawn illustration of what the baby looks like, and then the food pic. today the write up said that our baby had no more webbing between it's toes and fingers, and that it had fingernails. to this, nolan said in a very serious voice, "mom, maybe that's why you're in pain sometimes. the baby is scratching you!" this kid really cracks me up.

My knitting blog

hey guys! just a random note to let you know that i now have a blog for my fledgling knitting business. would love for y'all to check it out, even though it has just begun, and is a work in progress. it is

http://theblueyedgirl.blogspot.com/

the airport, a milkshake, and a good day

today was a good day. it wasn't a ground-breaking, thrilling, seemingly perfect day, but it had some sweet moments to cherish. it started by finn and i dropping off nolan at school, and then we took my mom to the airport.

she decided to go to ireland/scotland on a whim, when one of her friends told her about her upcoming trip. i was proud of her because my mom doesn't travel much, and always agonizes over big splurges, even since inheriting money from her parents' estate. i thinks she will have a blast, and look forward to the pics. so at the airport, there was a lot of schlepping, and i really mean that. our airport has been in a rather ridiculous state of construction or "beautification" for several years now, which will be great in the future, but is rather ugly and awkward at the mo. anyway, that said, i always fly out of terminal 1, and kind of forgot that terminal 2 is now hard to reach from terminal 1. so the schlepping ensued. i have to say though, i am not recounting this to complain, but to say that i was proud of myself. sometimes in hectic or cumbersome situations i find the power of motherhood. know what i mean? i mean, especially when you have more than one child, things can get kinda crazy, especially when you find yourself in a high-traffic, security-filled situation with lots of factors. a) i feel protective of my mom, since i have been like her spouse since i was about 8, b) she hasn't traveled very much post 9/11, c) the time is 12:20 and neither boys have eaten lunch, hence whining and begging begin, and d)nolan has decided that my mom going on vaca is the end of the world :) a lot of factors! like i said, though, i found power in this. i am proud of myself when i can focus, stay calm, and manage to manage everything going on, including my two little wildebeasts. we survived, we got my mom checked in, with 2 hours to spare, snacks, major emotional meltdown averted, and managed to make up a silly song on the way to the car. go me, and go God for giving me the skills to pull it off.

we then headed to one of my favorite little places in our area, called cheesy jane's. it's a burger place (ironically our family doesn't eat beef anymore) in super cute, old school style, with awesome fries and milkshakes, and a really cool train track that runs on a suspended track from the ceiling. the boys love it. my mom had treated us to some lunch $, which is awesome, so i told nolan, "let's go to cheesy jane's, and we can even get a milkshake". my turkey burger and fries were delicious, and more than that, nolan and i had some quality date time. finn was technically there too, but the poor dude had passed out on in the car, so he was out until the last few minutes. my dad, while he was still around, established a great tradition of taking me on dates. i loved it! i felt so special and grown up and fancy. so nolan and i do the same when we can. we'll go to a movie, or just have a meal or snack.

today was a day where i can honestly say that i treasured my kids - their beauty and humor, and took mental snap-shots of where they are at this very moment. it's hard to do that as a mom everyday. in fact, i might venture to say that's nearly impossible to do it every day, but today was sweet. a chocolate milkshake never hurts things either :)

thunder

it's amazing how a thunderstorm sounds after months and months of drought. i'm assuming that in places like seattle, you don't even notice rain anymore, or are, perhaps, sick of it. i am the opposite. we have had so many days of 100 plus degree weather, and no rain, that to me, thunder is about one of the sweetest things i can hear now. lovely, lovely rain. i also love how my house is darker and cosy. i am welcoming the darkness, and even a slight drop in temperature.

it's good to be back on here writing again. i think i said it in my first post after ben went back, but i really forgot about needing this outlet when he was home with me all the time. the need to hear or see myself think. the need to connect with other adults. being a mom can be isolating at times. it's funny, because i actually have lots of mom friends, and seem to have more and more interaction with them as my kids get older, but as our schedules tighten and activities multiply, it can also feel like you're on your own particular little island during the day. i'm not feeling depressed, just commenting.

my little man, finn, is rapidly changing. he is 18 months now, and forging through a major period of development. it's a little alarming. in the past month, he has gotten 9 or 10 new teeth, has increased his traveling speed (running around the house a lot), and is feeling his struggle for independence. 18 months is also the time when a kid's vocabulary is vastly multiply. it's interesting to see all of that play out. he is starting sentences. he's saying no all the time just because he can. he is fighting to have his own way, yet retreating to my arms in exhaustion of all the change. isn't it amazing to see how they change. i understand it a lot more this time around. i remember reading that at 18 months, a child actually begins to realize that they are not part of your body. crazy!

well, we are off to pick up nolan at school. all for now.

morning sickness

So, I am pregnant. For the third time. That sounds kind of crazy, but then i remember all the huge families that i know and the huge families throughout time, and i guess it doesn't sound freakish :) In a lot of ways, this pregnancy is not the "big deal" that the other two, especially the first were. that sounds bad. i don't mean big deal in the exciting, miraculous sort of way, but big deal in the "whoa, i have never done this before. what's going to happen" way. my body feels like it knows what to do, and for the most part, what will happen. each pregnancy is different for sure, but when you i feel a certain kind of pain, i'm like, okay, i know what that is. it's comforting to have gone through it before (twice). i am extremely happy and excited about this new baby. i am excited for a whole new person coming to join our family, a new genetic combination, a whole new set of snuggles and smiles and all the amazing firsts that come with a new baby. of course, i am also really excited about the possibility of having a girl. i know that is probably a long shot, already having two boys, but it would be so fun to have a little girl to share that really girly side of myself. i also have to admit that having a new baby is scary. it's scary at the times when my boys are being super loud and obnoxious, when i can barely handle the two of them. i wonder if i can balance it all. if i can take someone to kindergarten and potty train another, and breast feed and sleep train another.... that's a lot! it helps that i have wonderful friends like jen and kristen, who are examples of great moms with three kids. that's comforts me. i know that God's timing is always the best, and that getting pregnant is really a miracle. i am grateful for another opportunity, and i know that God is stretching and growing me through this time, and the many years of motherhood. i just want to put those fears out there too.

we just started a MOPS group at church - a time for moms of pre-schoolers to come together once a month for fellowship and time to be women. when we were planning, one goal i had for us as a group was transparency. i feel like that is something we often aren't as moms - transparent about our fears, our shortcomings, our frustrations. this is a really hard job, and of course i am going to share my joys and proud moments, but it's also so necessary to share the other side.

for the past few days i have been feeling so nauseous! i am so fortunate to not be someone who barfs for months. i never have, but i have the most intense nausea right now - like the room is spinning, and i can't move :( ugh. this is especially hard when i have two boys running around being crazy. ugh. i think when the weather changes, that will majorly help things, but for now, i'm feeling a little stir-crazy and sick.